globalisation

Have you noticed that globalisation is creeping into even farflung corners of our glorious country? I spent time in Germany a few years ago and you could rest assured there was no chance of a white pudding supper washed down with Iron Brew, now perhaps? Well probably not actually, the point I was trying to make is that I've just been to Lidl for very cheap German lager. Shame you can't get authentic German lentil soup though!! I like German things, provided they taste nice (and aren't total bitches!! haaaaaa). Oh, I am witty tonight..

Heil Kitler

I have a new ally in the struggle against the old maid pigeon feeding Mafia- my pal Kitler. Gorgeous isn't he? He goosesteps around the garden chasing off the birds while all the time formulating plans for world domination. He charismatically miaows most evenings before leaving his brown-feathered sparrow stormtroops to protect his domain until his return next day. Those sparrows better look out because I'm sure he's planning to purge a few of them..

Age

It makes you feel old (even me!) when someone in your training group, who you thought was much older, turns out to be seventeen. Year of birth 1989 for gods sake! Seems like yesterday..I mentioned to a colleague last year if she thought the Live 8 concert was as good as the Live Aid one back in 1985, her reply that she was two at the time was a little deflating. I watched it at a friend's house with a beer in my hand. Whatever was his mother doing, plying an eight year old boy with booze? Also makes you feel older when people you think are positively ancient only turn out to be a couple of years older too! Why this age obsession I hear you ask? You're still young, handsome and stunning..exactly, I'll worry in another 5 years.

Respect

Back home and sober! Now there's a Friday night experience most of my readership won't have had in recent times. Was through in Kdy, was going to go to nightclub with my drinking buddies until I realised I couldn't really be bothered. The entry charge never crossed my mind because I'm really generous and have no stinginess issues at all. I'd have fallen asleep there anyway.

Was shocked earlier in the week to hear of the death of the great Australian Steve Irwin, he was someone I really admired. He was a kick-ass spokesman for conservationism and against animal cruelty and the killing of animals for fun. His programs were/are educational, who couldn't admire his knowledge and enthusiasm? He deserved a lot more than than the 44 years he was given. A hero in Khaki.

Bloody ironic really that the scumbag Ian Huntley took an overdose and failed to kill himself in the same week! There really is no justice in the world!

Who?

Was this the quickest week ever? Maybe, perhaps because I wasn't looking forward to the weekend. I've a lot of homework for my course to do but what have I done? Nothing! Now I've a couple of days left and the pressure is on! I've always needed the pressure, even when I was at University I was always running to hand an essay in that was due in about 2 minutes time. I wasn't at Uni to write essays or dissertations afterall, I was there to booze and play pool. In fact I got a joint first class honours. So who is it? Clue for Tavis: She's female.

Back and bitten

Hallo schon wieder! OK enough German, had a great 2 weeks in eastern Germany, went to Jena, Weimar and Berlin and other interesting places. Even went to Buchenwald concentration camp but unfortunately couldn't find "wish you were here" postcards for my countless devoted friends! Arrived back yesterday and was at work today despite being eaten almost alive by a vicious horde of midges/mosquitoes on my last night in Germany. Problem is I'm allergic to the bites and now have huge seeping swellings on arms, legs and body. Apart from that I'm still totally gorgeous so there's no need for Calvin Klein to cancel my contract. This photo was sent to me by one of my Jena German-course friends, it shows a few of people who had the pleasure of my company-hence the wide smiles..or maybe it was because it was the last night..? Note my amazing impression of a tomato. I think fruit and vegetable impersonations are my way to fame and fortune. Yeah! strawberry, melon, pear, celery stick, gooseberry..I can see it now, I'll have to get an agent.

Auf Wiedersehen

Jetzt ist es soweit, ich melde mich für die nächste zwei Wochen ab. Ich fliege morgen nach Leipzig und werde wahrscheinlich die ganze Zeit in den neuen Bundesländern verbringen-bin auf jeden Fall in Jena für die erste sechs Tage. Ich werde euch vermissen. Ich weiss noch nicht ob ich dort Internetzugang haben werde, wenn ja, werde ich die Gelegenheit benutzen hier irgendwas zu schreiben.

Alles gute

keep fit

No..I don't know why I mentioned that either, wouldn't be surprised if I started mentioning the storming of the Bastille next! It's strange what I write sometimes but then if I was only to write what's happened to me every day it wouldn't make for too interesting reading most days (aaahhh). What do you mean it isn't interesting anyway???

Anyway I have been good and tidied my luxurious flat up, even the washing-up is in the process of being done. Had pasta for tea then went for a walk along the beach, of course at that moment the heavens opened so I ran home again. I'll have to get into this running lark, it's a good way to keep fit and it's free- unlike swimming or going to a gym (who said Scots were tight?). Yeah, I'll be fit as a fiddle in next to no time! Think it will have to wait until after my calorie-laden trip to the former GDR though. Wouldn't it be great if there was pub called "The Gym" so you could impress your colleagues and friends by proudly telling them you're off to the gym every night!

Conspiracy

Anyone who has watched Oliver Stone's JFK or other programs or documentaries which distort the truth might think that conspiracy is widespread and that Kennedy was shot by Neil Armstrong and Elvis on the grassy knoll. Wrong. Sometimes the simple truth is just that- the truth. With regard to the goings on in Dallas in 1963, the problem for many is that they can't believe that someone as significant as JFK could be killed by a loser like Lee Harvey Oswald. That he was a former US marine sharpshooter is often overlooked. At least there are no conspiracy theories about who shot Oswald, if not the reasons behind it. This photo shows Oswald a second before Jack Ruby wiped him out.

Been tidying up like mad today, even cut the grass and painted a windowsill. Oh, the wild bachelor lifestyle I lead! It's good to recharge the batteries some weekends though. My partying days are approaching..

politics

Was busy at work today, only about a week to go until my holiday though! Oh, I'll be a happy bunny next week, a very happy bunny. Talking of which, I came across a suicidal one which tried desperately to throw itself under my car this morning- must have been depressed- luckily I didn't assist the suicide and swerved to avoid the long-eared carrot-muncher.

If it's good enough for the Basques, why not for Fifers? Yeah, separatism is the way to go, not this independence bullshit that's cost us Scots millions already.. and that's only for the laughing-stock debating chamber! Fife has an RAF base, the Rosyth naval shipyard, and lots of soldiers are recruited here, so it's obvious that we should annexe neighbouring territories and create a greater Fife empire. Fifeland, Fifeland über alles, über alles in der Welt! Oh, the sheer glory of it all.

Intellectual

Well, that's another weekend gone. Started off at my nephew's 7th birthday party on Friday and it was there that most of the weekend's intellectual discussion took place- the rest of the time was spent in Kirkcaldy pubs with the usual suspects, talking about who was the most tightfisted and who had the least hair. Today I chilled in the flat watching the golf, and tidying up the spare room a bit..well I put one old letter in the bin, the rest will have to wait.

The photo here shows 2 intellectuals discussing the works of Goethe and Schiller in an artistic Kirkcaldy hangout.

Highland Games

Was off work yesterday, went along to the the famous Burntisland Highland Games, not that I saw too many competitors, it was much too hot for me so what did I do? Yeah, I went into the Inchview Hotel and had a couple of cooling pints. Afterwards I returned to Kinghorn in the mobile sauna that was pretending to be a bus. I even managed to rake up a few leaves in the garden and cut the grass. A hard day's work indeed.

Back to proper work today though, had to give training all day in a boiling hot room. I almost had to do the full monty to cool down, certainly made the training more interesting for the lucky ladies.. :-p

walk

Brilliant weather today, or yesterday, if you want seeing it's after midnight now. Today has been worth living through. Started off getting up late-for me 10am- and then went shopping for food in Kirkcaldy. I also took the opportunity to go to the car wash. Upon my return, I decided to exercise my lazy ass by walking from Leven to Kinghorn. I have to get in training for the West Highland Way afterall! Anyway, I walked about 4 hours into the sun this afternoon.

fee fi fo fum

Was thinking in a spare moment today (I do sometimes) about how scary some childhood books were..as you do..

Fee fi fo fum
I smell the blood of an Englishman
Be he alive or be he dead
I'll grind his bones to make my bread.

Jack and the beanstalk- just one example of a scary childhood story. There are loads of others however:

Hansel and Gretel- being forcefed sweets until they are fat enough to eat (child n chips supper?)
Rumpelstiltskin - wanted to take someones baby for spinning gold (eh?)
Repunzel- baby taken by witch and growing up imprisoned in a tower (wierd or what?)
Little Red Riding Hood- murderous wolf with evil intentions
Billy goats gruff- What was that Troll doing down there..

I'm sure a psychologist could tell you the hidden meanings in these masterpieces of terror literature, they certainly made me lose some beauty sleep as a child..not that you'd notice.

wind

I hate wind- and I don't mean mine! Anytime there is the slightest wind, a ton of ivy leaves fall onto my wee grassy oasis of antipigeonfeedingism- a bastion against the old maid mafia- and that means I've to rake up and put the mountain of leaves into the gorgeous new brown wheelie-bin. It's turning into an almost full-time job, or it would be if I could be bothered. It wouldn't be so bad if almost every ivy leaf wasn't covered in flying rat droppings.

Why do our lives go into limbo during the week? I can't think of anything memorable that's happened to me on recent wednesday nights. Then again..the same would be true of the last couple of Friday nights! Haaaahaa

beermats

Spent the last two nights drinking the Herrnbräu Brewery dry at Kirkcaldy's Bavarian beer festival and am suffering for my sins today. Ended up in a nightclub too, though the memories of that are hazy. My friend called today to say a bouncer had kindly requested that he discontinue gracing the establishment with his presence..or words to that effect. I wasn't there to witness the glorious scene as I had already departed into the night.

It's amazing what can be found in your pockets after a night out, I have about 7 Herrnbräu beermats, a street map of Ingolstadt, a couple of Ingolstadt stickers and a lovely wee teddy bear called Bernadett!

The photo here was at the start of the festivities. Gorgeous t-shirt eh? Maybe the teddy bear was a prize for wearing it?

Planning..

Been under the weather the last couple of days, but things are slowly getting better. Was off work yesterday but struggled in today. Tomorrow is the last day of the week for me because I've Friday off. I intend heading to Kirkcaldy along the coastal path tomorrow. The destination? Beveridge Park, where the fabled Bavarian Bierfest is taking place. If it's even half as good as the legendary 2003 extravaganza I'll be happy.

The Germany-Italy game was good yesterday, at least the Germans went down fighting, the same couldn't be said of England's flops a few days ago.

My decision to finally do the West Highland Way has been liberating. Am planning already. The Heidelberg hippy Clemens had better bring some quality German booze with him that's for sure. And lots of money for the pints he owes me..

dead

It's kinda depressing when you see a good film then look up the actors/actresses on the net to find they are all dead. Watched "A matter of life and death" on DVD last week, OK everyone knows David Niven died a while back, but the rest? Very weird to see co-star Raymond Massey died on exactly the same day as Niven in 1983! Spooky or what? Even the cute young US airwoman (Niven's love interest) died of old age a couple of years back..makes you think. Don't put off til tomorrow what you could do today. Life is short.

Something I've been putting off for ages- the walking of the West Highland Way, will definitely be taking place later this year. I'll be doing things from now on, not postponing them.

nothing

Overdid the end of week celebrations yesterday and have been out of action today. Watched England being eliminated from the World Cup. They got what they deserved. Not a bad job Sven's had these last few years eh? Over £4 Million a year for what exactly?

Very warm in the flat today, even with the windows open it's been unbearable.

Tomorrow is another day..

festival

Almost the end of June already! Every year gets quicker. It would be better if I had enough money not to bother going to work, it's going to work that makes every day so boringly similar. It would be so much better travelling the world and sipping cocktails on some exotic tropical island..but then again things ain't so bad. Heard today that there's going to be a Bavarian music and beer festival in Kirkcaldy next week. Three years ago there was a legendary one and film of it still exists, not that one of my friends is very proud of that film, eh Tavis? Ich freue mich schon darauf!