Nanny state and strange wetness

How come my hits counter is stuck at 590? It was always nice to know how many people had nothing better to do other than read my weird thoughts and look at photos of me in some pub or other. Well, I'll not disappoint you, one of the photos shows me a couple of weeks ago in the Heidelberg Sonderbar, Clemens and Oli forcing me to drink copious amounts of beer, soon to be followed by some schnapps back at Clemens' place while listening to "So what" by the Anti-Nowhere League, an absolute must for connoisseurs of classic punk seshing.

The government here is always telling us how to live our lives, don't smoke that, don't drink this, blah blah. Increasing the price of booze seems to be their solution, obviously oblivious of the fact that most European countries have cheaper booze than us! If they wish to dictate to us how we should behave, perhaps using the other photo here would be better propaganda for them! I can just see the health-fascists rubbing their hands with glee..yes kids, don't drink to excess or you too will be unable to grow a proper beard, you too would fall unconscious on the gorgeous blue leather sofa of your host..and you too could have suspicious looking stains on your trousers.. That wasn't caused by spilling red wine! Oh the glory of it all!

Retroman

Why is it I live in the past? All my tastes, everything, seems retro. Films?, Music? TV? Don't bother asking because I'm in retro mode, if it ain't old then forget it...Errol Flynn, Cary Grant, Bette Davis..better than any modern film star eh?

Why watch or listen to modern stuff when there is old stuff? Isn't the best soap ever Dallas? Kids program? Bagpuss or the Clangers! Music? Well, there are lots of great retro-bands! Sex Pistols! ACDC! Beethoven!Kajagoogoo! Ok, even I draw the line there, they weren't the same after Limahl left..

Have been a good boy this month and have had several booze-free days. Am becoming a bit of a health-freak and it will have to stop. At least the new-found sobriety is stopping my late night DVD shopping sprees! Already I have almost every season of Dallas but what would further boozy nights land me with? Complete boxset DVDs of "Starsky and Hutch"?, Worsel Gummage.. surely not? Oh, lets be honest, it is sure to be "Charlie's Angels", "Dukes (preferably Daisy) of Hazzard" or "Wonder Woman". Oh, come on, I was more interested in the stories rather than the scenery as a child back then!

Off to Germany again on Friday! Yes! Stuttgart spring festival! So predictable!

Topless stunner!

Calm down, it's only me!

Have been to Portugal for a week and it was really nice. We stayed in Albufeira in the Algarve but also took day trips to Lisbon and to the eastern Algarve and into Spain. It's good at this time of year because the weather, although very warm, is bearable and the resorts are not overcrowded with thousands of tourists. Oh, the fun we had on the beach, in the bars..and, well, doing cultural things. I'm not some kind of uncouth lager lout you know..I like other drinks too!

The photos shows me trying to avoid skin cancer on the beach with a can of Sagres beer in my hand and a gorgeous hat on my head. The other shows my hotel bedroom toilet, it was warm in there so luckily the hotel provided a beer chilling facility. The other two show me trying to get off with a sexy tree, and my German biographer who plied me with drinks to get juicy titbits for her upcoming bestseller..

Stiff

I'm stiff. Stop it, I mean my legs! Have been walking all afternoon from Kinghorn to Inverkeithing along the stunning Fife coast. With me was my pal Colin the dog, without doubt the most outgoing and charismatic friend that I have. Came home after dropping Colin off and am now relaxing with a glass or two of Shiraz in my Kinghorn bunker. Thoughts of going out on a Saturday night are not often in my thoughts these days, either it's the global recession or I'm an ancient old shit..or maybe both.

Here are two photos from my recent walking adventures with doggie.

Prehistoric

It only seems like yesterday since the last one but another birthday lies in store tomorrow. Obviously those who know me know that I'm very relaxed about the aging process and have no issues at all....heeeeeeelllp!! Am getting old so I am!! I'll be a cantankerous old git in a couple of years, droning on about the youth of today etc etc. Hope I get a walking stick, some hair dye, and incontinence pads for presents. Oh well, I've a trip to Portugal in March to look forward to - if I live that long.

Is there such a thing as an age councillor, helping those with a youthful view of themselves come to terms with the wrinkly truth? I might need one in about 15 years or so....

Photo captures a rare moment in history, me buying Tavis a round in the local pub. Well, I felt sorry for him after putting him to the sword at pool.

Wooooooooof

Two updates today! Well, had to let you know about my Christmas companion Colin! Yes, I'm looking after Colin the dog for the next week or so and have, as the picture shows, been making sure he's comfortable!

Frohes Fest!

Hello again! Sorry about not updating for a while, have been away to Heidelberg and Stuttgart yet again, this time for the traditional Glühwein drinking and joyous yuletide festivities. The Kapsmeister and I certainly got into the festive spirit with a Christmas Market session that is sure to attain legendary status. Woke up next day with a poster of Laurel and Hardy, candles, bottles, a plant, and the remains of a half eaten pizza littering the flat. My memory however was nowhere to be found..well, it's Xmas isn't it? Have a good one blog fans!

Here are a couple of photos from my trip. One shows Fräulein Kaps leading me astray at the Christmas Market, the other two are from a Heidelberg whisky tasting evening in the Sonderbar. Clemens, Oli and Rudi appear. Clemens had brought along a nice bottle of Bamberg smoked beer as a present, unfortunately, after the whiskies, he forgot to give it to me. He did write me an e-mail saying it tasted good though. Nice.

me, bear, surrounded by birds

No, I'm not entering the realms of fantasy, the picture proves it! The other photo, also taken on the West Highland Way is of Loch Tulla near Bridge of Orchy, a rare interlude when it wasn't raining.

90th anniversary of end of World War One today, as the last British survivor who saw action in the trenches said when interviewed on the news, "remember the Germans as well as our own", the tragedy is that we remember those lost, they don't.

Dinne fash, I'm back!

Hi there!

Yes, I know it's been a while, what happened to the full report of the conquering of the West Highland Way etc etc? Well, I've been busy recovering and playing host to Fräulein Kaps (Seltsam, Ich scheine mich daran zu erinnern daß die Kathedrale auf der anderen Seite des Platzes war*) and only now can I report to my readers.

The WHW was very good, the weather was totally crap most days but I guess you don't go to the highlands of Scotland in October if you're looking to top up your tan! It took Tavis and me 7 walking days to finish the walk, starting on a Saturday and finishing on the Friday, the worst experiences being the snoring of the aforementioned Tavis, his incredible talent to walk as quickly as an octogenarian, his annoying ability to drink tea in pubs when the very best whiskies and beers were on offer, and the incredibly bad conditions that turned the path into a river for long sections.. oh come on, your snoring is a total disgrace Tavis!!

Photos show me at start and, suffering from lack of sleep, at finish of the West Highland Way adventure.

* famous quote from "where eagles dare" in German, oh it's a long story..

awa to the highlands!

Here I am again, the day before I set off on my walk from Glasgow to Fort William along the West Highland Way. Long term blog fans will know I've been in this situation before (see Oct 06). This time I am just as unprepared as then, god knows what I'll take, well blister treatments and brandy (medicinal you see) seem like a good idea. Will try to take more photos this time and will tell you all the steamy, bodice-ripping, saga upon my return! God, a whole week of listening to Tavis' conspiracy theories...don't know if my ears or feet will hurt more.

The photo shows me in Budapest slapping an incredibly huge salami! Huh, I hardly needed to travel to Hungary to do that, should have stayed at home..!!

Me with an amazing bust.

Am back from my holiday to Germany and Budapest, it's bloody typical that I've been healthy all year then get the flu as soon as I step on board a plane! Still, I'm not the complaining type...and still managed to have a good time. Here is a photo of me and the bust of mass murderer Josef Stalin..i've always liked busts!!..the other photo shows the gorgeousness of Budapest.

Not long now until Tavis and I take on the West Highland Way, it's going to be a blistering extravagansa to be sure! More later blog fans!

Late bunny

Yes, I've been a lazy sod and haven't updated for a while, my apologies to my legions of readers!

Alas, news reached me that the stunning bunny Fritz has departed to the great rabbit hutch in the sky, flowers everywhere can rest easy now that the long-eared stunner is instead pushing up the daisies instead of munching them. The photo captures him in top flower-destroying form. RIP.

Been trying to keep fit for the West Highland Way that I'm doing in October so have done a couple of long walks recently. Last Saturday I caught bus to Crail and walked the glorious and lonely 15 miles or so to St Andrews. Today I was in Edinburgh filming, and also taking part in, a body pump class. It's a long story that has dragged on for months. Hopefully this time we got it right!

Not long now until I head to Germany (yes, sooo predictable) and Hungary. Bis zum nächsten Mal!

PS Jochen left work to head to Munich, he was devastated to leave after 10 happy years working next to me. The photo shows him with tears in his eyes, wondering how he will cope without my wisdom and guidance.

Regina and Deadly

Hello again blog fans! What has happened since last time? Well, Regina and "deadly" Dieter (named because of his legendary drinking prowess) came to Scotland for the first time and demanded I show them the pubs of Edinburgh- and buy most of the rounds...it's a hard life but someones got to do it! We had a good time on two consecutive Saturdays- they toured the country between our Edinburgh pub tours. Here are two photos of them on both nights. The deadly one had a lucky escape from an irate lady demanding he stop urinating on her plants but otherwise things went swimmingly. The other photo is me at work, looking stunningly blue and happy...happy at work? Who says the camera never lies?

So predictable..

July is probably my favourite month but really I've just not been feeling 100% since my return from Germany on Tuesday, yes! I've been over to Heidelberg and Stuttgart again and the weather was perfect. Even had the honour of witnessing Germany lose a Euro final while on German soil- the first time this happened was 1992 when the Danes won and I celebrated in someone's Heidelberg living room surrounded by depressed members of the teutonic fanclub. It's like an endless groundhog day.

Anyway, am back in the work routine and at least it's Friday. Not got many plans other than sleeping lots this weekend, with whom has yet to be decided..oh the wit.. here a couple of photos, of what I don't know, not decided yet. Well one is of me, the other is of elite members of the Heidelberg Betrunkenheit Abteilung (Olli and Clemens).

Auf Wiedersehen schon wieder!

Am off from work for a few days now and am doing the usual, yes am off to Germany for a long weekend in Heidelberg and Stuttgart. I'm just so predictable am I not?

Walked the coast from Crail to Elie with Tavis in Saturday, here are a couple of photos..including one of Tavis standing on a street named in honour of him!!

PS The harbour behind me is in Cellardyke, where a dead swan was found a while back with deadly bird flu- confirming the disease had reached Britain..yeah, I knew you'd be interested..

Three score and ten

June already, obviously you're now expecting me to say every year goes quicker blah blah, but I won't because I'm still stunning and young..my mother isn't though! She celebrated her 70th birthday during the week (yes, she had me when she was 45!!) and we all went out for a meal to celebrate. What else have I been up to? Well, I was starring in a video yesterday, stop it!.. a fitness video for someone wanting to be a body pump instructor, not too good at walking today..

Deutschland yet again!!

Got back from my third visit of the year to Germany on Monday- this time I didn't miss my flight back!

All went well, went to Leipzig, where I lived from 1994-96, and things have changed a lot. I also went to a wedding up near Rostock near the baltic sea in former East Germany. I was the only foreigner at the event and it went quite well, there was a free bar and even my request for the DJ to play TNT and Highway to hell was granted. Luckily no videos were made of my terrible dancing but photos do exist of the riotous wedding reception.

Here are a couple of photos from my visit..one shows me leaning against a tree outside the "Killywilly" pub in Leipzig that used to be a place I visited regularly during my years there, the other is from the wedding - not the happy couple you understand, you know who you are...

Note: Due to complaints received I have removed the photo of Sebastian and Janet. Not a surprise really as they both looked appalling!

Another Note 03/07/08 : Have added another photo of the wedding festivities. This one shows Uncle Friedhelm and his wife (in the middle) trying heroically-but ultimately failing- to stop the binge drinking Maggie (on the left obviously!) getting drunk again!! Haaaaaa

C'est la Vie

It's been a while since I last updated this ever-so interesting blog, so what has happened? Well, a week or so ago I was in Germany yet again to visit Heidelberg, then Stuttgart, then back to Heidelberg for the last night because my very early bus to Hahn airport left from there..at least that was the plan, I mean it almost worked out, apart from the last bit about getting an early bus! Oliver excelled himself by switching the alarm off so I awoke after the bus had departed, result? An expected extra day in glorious Heidelberg and an extra 150 Euros for flight. C'est la Vie. Here is a photo or two from my visit.

Gorgeous pussy

Well, Linda's extended going-away to Australia festivities finally came to an end, but not before we all met up in Kirkcaldy for a few beers. I love the expression of the blonde at the bar, the sheer horror of us!

Before Linda left she informed me that the person who was supposed to take her cat Pepsi had let her down, could I look after the stunning moggie for a while? Well, I could hardly turn down this gorgeous cat so for the last few days she has been my guest in bonnie Kinghorn.

Work night out

Yeeees, yet another photo in a pub situation! Oh come on, it was a going-away party for Linda who is heading off to Australia forever very soon, where else were we supposed to go? Church? Anyway, here are some of my work colleagues with Linda taking centre stage.